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What is a BDSM Collar (AKA Bondage Collar) and what does it mean?

You’ve probably seen a BDSM collar, also called a bondage collar, and wondered what it is, what does it mean, and why do people wear them? Thanks to things like the 50 Shades movies, BDSM collars have become a hot topic both in the BDSM community, and in the rest of the world.

Your Questions Answered

You’ve probably seen a BDSM collar, also called a bondage collar, and wondered what it is, what does it mean, and why do people wear them?

Or maybe you are considering a BDSM collar, and you want to make sure it’s right for you.

You’ve probably seen a friend or coworker wearing a discreet bdsm collar, without knowing it.

Either way, thanks to things like the 50 Shades movies, BDSM collars have become a hot topic both in the BDSM community, and in the rest of the world.

What is a BDSM Collar?

Simply put, a BDSM collar is a piece of jewelry with a secret meaning. Traditionally, a BDSM collar is something worn about the neck, like a necklace or a choker. Although other types of jewelry worn other places (such as anklets or bracelets) can also be BDSM collars.

Historically, bondage collars were thick bands of black leather or PVC worn tight to the neck, choker style, with a large D or O ring to the front. They often were secured on with a lock, and were only removed by the dominant party of the relationship.

Today, BDSM collars range from the traditional leather look, to dainty pendant necklaces and simple chains. You’ve probably seen a friend or coworker wearing a discreet bdsm collar without knowing it

What does a BDSM Collar mean?

Before I go into the meaning, lets get on the same page real quick and do a bit of vocabulary building.

There are a PLETHORA of identifications and labels in the BDSM community. Like, a fuck-ton. If you try to cram them all into your brain at once, you’ll need 3 bottles of wine and 48 hours of Netflix to recover. Trust me!

For the purposes of this post, I’m going to teach you the basic labels so we can be on relative equal footing, and so you don’t spit your coffee all over your screen, and run screaming.

Here are the 3 things I need you to cram in your brain. Hold on to them like you would a margarita on a hot day:

BDSM has 3 tenets: Safe, Sane, CONSENSUAL! Read that last one again for me. Anything else is abuse, and the BDSM community doesn’t tolerate that crap. No consent, no go. You want to go to jail? ‘Cause that’s how you go to jail…
The Dominant/Master is the one “in charge”. They have the final word on things for the most part. For our discussion I’m going to use Dominant or Dom going forward
The Submissive/Slave (read 1 again if you just cringed) is the party that gives over control to the Dominant for the most part. I’m going to use the term Submissive or Sub going forward.

Now lets get into the meaning of the collar…

The meaning of the collar is something that is hotly debated in the BDSM community, because of it’s highly personal nature.

For some couples, the collar is simply a sign of their relationship to the BDSM community. Typically, only one party in a BDSM relationship will wear a collar, the Submissive. This is called being “Owned”. This type of collar is only worn to BDSM community events to signify to those looking for a partner that the Sub is off limits and not available for … whatever without permission of the Dom.

The BDSM collar can also be a sort of promise ring. Should the couple chose, the collar becomes a symbol of an agreement between the Dom and Sub and is typically worn 24/7. These types of collars are usually part of a power exchange relationship, but more on that in a later post!

Sometimes, the BDSM collar is a wedding ring. Yes, a full blown “I now pronounce you Dom and Sub, and partners in life!” These types of collars are usually worn 24/7 and are pretty lavish. They are meant to be as special as a traditional wedding ring. They are usually presented by the Dom to the Sub at a special Collaring Ceremony, which may or may not be part of a traditional wedding ceremony.

For some, it’s a signal for Sexy Time. Just like lingerie, only way more kinky. This type of collar is only worn at home, right before the hanky-panky ensues.

And the most controversial meaning of the collar: It might just be a personal statement that you are into the BDSM lifestyle without any particular relationship attachment.

Some people in the BDSM community frown upon this, thinking that it dilutes the ‘sanctity’ of the collar as a symbol of consensual exchange. If you ask me, I say do what makes you happy and forget the rest!